Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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