i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
