is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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