it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
