What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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