what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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