Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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