dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What drink are we having for lunch?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
