You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i think we sleep fucked last night...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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