i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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