One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
