return my video game
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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