the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
