You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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