Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
