Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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