I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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