i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize