do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
