nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
