good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
