then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
