Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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