Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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