The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
