I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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