I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
