he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
