And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
