she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
