So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
