hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
