I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
