Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize