Cold hands, warm shart.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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