my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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