Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
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I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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