who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
