Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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