Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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