Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
