oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
