remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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