i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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