Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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