Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
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His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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