i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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