I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
