Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
