grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
