Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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