Where did you get a picture of my penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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