yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
