Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
