I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
