to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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