so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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