I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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