It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That accounts for only three of the penises
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
