How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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