I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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