I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
