I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
