So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
