Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He? As in you personified your dick?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
