I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
